I put together an entertaining lesson on American dining etiquette – the highlight was asking students to come to the chalkboard and fill in a “Formal Table Setting”, drawing and labeling each item as requested.
This was also a way to test their ability to differentiate left from right, upper vs lower, etc. (“Directly above the dinner plate, please draw a small cake fork, pointing right. Good.. no, your other right.. no, that’s a spoon.. I need a fork.. thanks!”
I actually learned a lot from this as well- the difference between the salad and dinner knives, or that the white wine glass is to the lower-right of the red wine glass. (I cant remember the last time I had both wine glasses filled during dinner, and this is probably for the best– its unbecoming for guests to be jumping on the table at a wedding or charity event, anyway…)
My best advice for going to an American wedding: NEVER EVER wear white, or the bride will hate you forever!!!
Earlier last month, I provided a list of names for my freshman students. Over the semesters, I’ve had so many Nancys, Graces, and Susans… pleasant names by all means but also very Brady Brunch, very 1960’s textbook English names. So I spiced things up a bit this year: I looked up a list of all the Victoria Secret models’ names on Wikipedia, and asked the girls to pick from there!
Finally we have many more Russian, Portugese and Spanish names in class – there’s a Gisele, an Alessandra, a Karolina, and Adriana! Guys, I’m promoting ethnic diversity in the classroom!
Now you might think, “Teacher Cheng! There’s nothing empowering about naming an entire cohort of students after women who are valued solely for their bodies and not their brains! This is a huge step backwards for feminism!” To which I will response, “You’re absolutely correct! But in 2017, to point out the obvious would automatically open me to being labeled a slut-shamer, a misogynist, an illiterate, sexist troll.” (Earlier this year, a fellow PCV accused me of living in the 15th century, when I discussed with her my hopelessly archaic views on female empowerment)
To be fair, the Victoria Secret is enormously popular in China (a 16,000 sq ft store opened in Shanghai this year), and I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the names of my list above became popular baby names in the coming years – so if anything, I’m just ahead of the curve!
The worst thing about being an American volunteer English teacher in China is when parents with young kids find out your occupation – their brains immediately pick up on “American” “English” and “Teacher” (and skip over volunteer, probably because they don’t know what it means) and start pleading with you to teach their kids English.
I’ve been accosted countless times by parents who are friends of a friend, and somehow feel entitled to pass off their English-starved child into my possession for a tutoring session. Chinese people are notorious for being very indirect if they need something from you– they will make small talk, ask about your health, your family, your apartment, your dating life, gun ownership in America, and after 10 minutes, maybe bring up they need a favor from you.
But when it comes to English, these parents are ruthlessly direct. Recently, less than a minute after I was introduced to a woman here in Lanzhou, she immediately pulled out her iPhone and showed me photos of her daughter doing ballet, her adorable, oh-so-eager to learn English offspring. Then she basically demanded that I teach her daughter every week. Bribed me with red envelopes (cash), dinners, gifts…
Normally, I provide an indirect answer about being too busy, or not being allowed to take side jobs, or something else to soften the disappointment of not teaching their precious itty-bitty child. But this woman rubbed me the wrong way and deserved a response equal in magnitude to her offense
Me: 我讨厌教英语！也讨厌小孩！最讨厌给小孩教英语！I hate teaching English! And I hate kids! Most of all, I hate teaching English to kids!
Mother (clearly stunned by my unexpectedly direct reply): 好尴尬啊！SO AWKWARD!